Love and madness

Falling in love consists merely in uncorking the imagination and bottling the common sense.

HELEN ROWLAND

If there is one universal truth about love, is that it evokes many different emotions and can empower the mind as well as break it down. More often than not I find myself frustrated by love. Not because I am frustrated with the person I love, but more so the idea that no matter how much I feel for him he will never truly know. 

There are millions of people with feelings just bursting inside of them but they will never be able to express that feeling. It's an impossible task to describe what your feeling inside and love is no different from that idea. It is almost as though you are reaching for something grand but can never quite reach. 

The idea is absolutely maddening. 

It's been a while...

I haven't posted since the year began and it makes me sad that I've let my writing go by the wayside. Work has been hectic, driving me crazy at every opportunity, but I like working here.

I've lost touch with some people that I really need to get back to. My support system is slowly dwindling down and right now I could use the extra help. Some days I feel like I've gone off the deep end, i feel hopeless and just ready to end it. I go crazy and back in one swift motion, I feel like I have whiplash. There's no reason or "trigger", it just happens. I can't explain the feeling, nor do I care to. All I want is to go a day without thinking so damn much. I want to smile so much my cheeks burn.

It's raining today, I love the rain. I wish I were outside letting it fall down my face, cleansing me, washing away my doubts and fears even if it is just for the moment. It's my moment.

Gullible much?

A student at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize at the Greater Idaho Falls Science Fair, April 26th. He was attempting to show how conditioned we have become to alarmists practicing junk science and spreading fear of everything in our environment. In his project he urged people to sign a petition demanding strict control or total elimination of the chemical "dihydrogen monoxide."

And for plenty of good reasons, since:

*it can cause excessive sweating and vomiting

*it is a major component in acid rain

*it can cause severe burns in its gaseous state

*accidental inhalation can kill you

*it contributes to erosion

*it decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes

*it has been found in tumors of terminal cancer patients

He asked 50 people if they supported a ban of the chemical.

Forty-three (43) said yes,

six (6) were undecided,

and only one (1) knew that the chemical was water.

The title of his prize winning project was, "How Gullible Are We?"
He feels the conclusion is obvious.

thanks to http://www.globalone.tv/group/theoffbeat/forum/topics/is-our-childrens-learning for the post

YOU

Stumbled across this letter online... I really needed it.

You. Yes, you. I am writing this for you.

I know you are reading this. And I want you to know I am writing this for you. No one else will understand. No one else knows. They think that this is for them. But it’s not. I am writing this for you.

I want you to know, life…it’s hard. Every day can be a challenge. It can be a challenge to get up in the morning. To get yourself out of bed. To put on that smile. But I want you to know, that smile is what keeps me going some days. You need to remember, even through the tough times, you are amazing. You really are.

You should be happy. You are gorgeous.

I know that the weather might not be perfect. You might have to turn your back to the wind or feel the cold nipping at your nose. But you know what, at least you are there to feel it. At least you can enjoy the sun’s warm rays on your face. Or that cold February wind biting at your cheeks. You know what that means?

You are alive.

Everything will be okay."

http://lettersillneversend.com/2011/02/11/you-106/

Your life is your life

your life is your life

don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission.
be on the watch.
there are ways out.
there is a light somewhere.
it may not be much light but
it beats the darkness.
be on the watch.
the gods will offer you chances.
know them.take them.
you can’t beat death but
you can beat death in life, sometimes.
and the more often you learn to do it,
the more light there will be.
your life is your life.
know it while you have it.
you are marvelous
the gods wait to delight
in you.

'Nuff said

Why hulu?!

Ok hulu, cards on the table. You and I used to be friends... I don't know where I went wrong but apparently you hate me now. Almost daily you and I meet, you show me what I missed on TV the night before (and even some things I could do without) but now I shudder even thinking of watching anything on your site. Why you may ask? Well, every commercial break you repeat the same commercial. This is not normally so much of a problem since I enjoy getting a good laugh at the Geico commercials however, this new Phillips 66 gas for life commercial needs to die. NOW.

There is one big issue with this commercial (link below if you haven't seen it) that I feel is kind of offensive and stupid on Phillips part. The commercial starts with a hospital room, you see a man hooked up to several machines, a small girl holding a bear and a woman near the hospital bed crying. The woman (assuming it's his wife???) turns to the young girl (daughter?) and says "I didn't even get a chance to tell him... he won Phillips 66 gas for life." Suddenly the sickly man jumps up and says "I have a reason to live!" and leaves the room... do we see the issue here?

Does it really take winning gas for life to have a reason to live? As a depressed individual growing up I know sometimes finding things to live for is a little difficult but isn't this stretching things just a tad? One must assume that the woman and child in the room are his wife and child therefor shouldn't that be a pretty dang good reason to live? Who really believes having gas for life is more important than family?!

http://vimeo.com/24238531

Stupidity breeds

What is the media thinking? Oh here's a great idea to try and  prevent teen pregnancy... lets make a series about it to show everyone how hard having a kid is. Yeah, I'm sure that's exactly what these teens drowning in puberty are thinking. 'It sure looks like a lot of responsibility having a baby and going to school...' Unlikely. Lets try something more like 'All I have to do is get pregnant and they'll put me on that show. I'll be so popular and rich!' The worst part is that even when the season is over the teen mom is still in the tabloids about how many guys she's slept with, if she's getting married or not and *gasp* she's gained weight!
Seriously... this is what we are spending money and time on? The fact that this is entertainment is appalling to me yet they had a startling 3.6 million viewers last year. Does anyone else see something wrong here or is it just me???

Dreamboat Annie

Heading out this morning into the sun
Riding on the diamond waves, little darlin' one

Warm wind caress her
Her lover it seems
Oh, Annie
Dreamboat Annie my little ship of dreams

Going down the city sidewalk alone in the crowd
No one knows the lonely one whose head's in the clouds

Sad faces painted over with those magazine smiles
Heading out to somewhere won't be back for a while

Don't go to Big Lots looking for intelligence

**The following is an actual conversation between a Big Lots employee and myself**

me: Excuse me, are all of these shelves of comforters on sale for 39.99?

her: No, only the ones that were $40 and up (... really? save a whole penny? Dream big world!)

me: ok... which ones are those?

her: the 4 and 7 piece sets

me: great so this one is?  (the set in question was a 7 piece)

her: no, that one is 59.99 (....)

... (this is where I look around and try to comprehend what I just heard)

me: So... are any of these sets on sale?

her: ...

Finally I huff and  just grab the 7 piece one I wanted anyway deciding the sale price was not worth this in the end, all to learn it rang up ON SALE at 39.99...Score!

*clap clap* Take a bow Big Lots take a bow.

Running

The red track intimidates me; the soft pavement cradles the sole of my shoes.
On your mark, Get set, Go!
My breaths turn ragged, with shortening intervals between gasps for air.
My eyes begin to water and sting from the sweat beading down my face.
My legs scream at me, hurting against the agonizing pain I’ve thrust on them.
The pace quickens.
Everyone moves faster ahead, increasing the gap between us.
My feet slap the pavement with strides of torture and defeat.
I have to catch up.
I’m going too slow, I need to fasten my pace.
My lungs are tied in knots,
Blood pumps through my heart pounding for me to slow down.
They are finished, sitting on the sidelines, waiting for me to come in.
They sit cheering, but I can’t see past the mocking faces that aren’t there.
I can’t make it.
It’s too far for me to finish.
But I can’t give up now, I’ve come too far.
The finish line is insight now, moving closer with every stride I take.
I cross the line.
My ragged breaths slow to a silent sigh of relief.

Thinking = Chaos

I'm sitting here with a blank screen. I feel like there is a novels worth of opinions and discussion... witty commentary and sarcasm I could be throwing down right now.... But nothing comes out. I know this is normally called writers block but I call this the bull block. Because I know this information that I have contained in my brain does not want to be heard by anyone else and somewhere deep inside I know this and keep myself from filling the world with my chaotic opinions and bull. Now.... on with this show.

There is a hard to explain emotion running through me right now... I'm not even sure how to exactly explain this but I suppose its a mixture of anger, nervousness, stress, and sadness. But it makes me restless, nothing I do seems to appease me for very long and the boredom makes me want to eat.... which is not good considering I just added back everything I lost while I was in Florida and that brings me down. Of course I'm working to get back to where I was but it's hard and that makes me nervous.

I have one question, and I don't want religious comments on this. Its just an opinion so leave me alone about your beliefs. Why is it most people don't seem to be religious until something bad happens? Everyone ignores it in the hustle of bustle of everyday life and suddenly they lose their job... then its oh can I have a dollar, God Bless and all that crap... meaningful isn't it? Now, I'm not a religious person but I do believe that if your going to go around saying something like God Bless, at least believe in it. Do something about your poor state and get back on your feet.

Scatter Brained Night

Deep Breath.

Sometimes you take them to calm down,

get that blood pumping back to your brain...

But sometimes the most rational thoughts come from thinking irrationally...

Christmas

What is this holiday closing in on us? The jolly red man on the street corner ushering in change for those who need a hand. Its sad that we have to wait for one time a year to be kind to each other. We need an excuse to feel good about ourselves so we make that familiar plunk into the red bucket so we can say we've helped... helping would be giving half of what you spend on useless gifts on a blanket for the homeless... or giving a turkey to a family that is down on their luck. People complain because they didn't get the latest game or phone... what about those who didn't get anything?

This is why I hate Christmas... commercialized madness and useless celebration.

Who's Job Is It?

This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody.

There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought that Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.

Bow. Exit stage left.

This world surrounding

alarms are sounding

Smiling over tears

hiding all our fears

We are a hopeless race

worrying to save our face

Acting as everything is fine

Walking that thin line

Wearing masks to hide

what everyone tries to keep inside

This place is not what is was meant to be

but there will never be harmony

What are we saying anyway?

Currently, I have the joy of attending a speech class two nights out of my week. Though I find it hard to contain my excitement for getting in front of judgmental imbeciles I do take in a buzz by the ability to share my opinions for once. I'm not used to speaking out, as many of you know I'm a follower and a peace keeper, someone who 'goes with the flow'. Our first assignment was to create an informative speech to present. Feeling that I knew my topic well, I chose to describe the experience of customer service to everyone. Now, I got the nod and 'cute speech' comment from my teacher, which is great for the grade, but I am willing to bet no one REALLY paid attention.

Next on the list is writing something persuasive and I was thinking of touching the subject of feminism, but on the point of do they really make sense. Men and women are never going to be equal, plain and simple. No matter how hard women try to make themselves equals with men we really are not helping our cause. We may be more perceptive to some things making us better fit for certain jobs, but lets face it ladies we are different. We try to get ahead on the corporate ladder but eventually, our biological clock starts ticking down and we decide we need a baby.... then that puts a damper on our plans. After that, we're doomed. Studies show that women who spend more time at home are happier than those who spend a great deal of their time at work.

Now, I'm not trying to get a rise out of anyone but this is how I see this situation. Women feeling like they are so great is no better than a man being macho.

(to be continued)

Mindless banter and apple sauce

Well, I'm at it again. That whole thinking thing that i do sometimes that never seems to amount to anything more than an instance of sadness. *heavy sigh* It's raining. I find it hard to not be sad when the sky seems so ready to cry with me. Anyway. I've started a new poem... who knows maybe it'll kick me back into writing again.

Slam the door

turn the key

switch the radio on

this ride's for me

no set schedule

no where to go

roll the window down

letting my hair blow

riding alone

completely free

music roaring

this ride's for me

The happiest place on Earth?

It's pretty bad when the 'Happiest place on Earth' is the thing making you wish you didn't wake up each morning. This place has cost me some of my mental health. I was perfectly fine before coming here and I should have known better. Now I have four months to get this out of my system before I go home and be happy again. I truly hate this place with every fiber of my being. If I didn't have A+ credits to keep i'd be on my way home now. No one ever said life was easy. Well now it isn't even fun anymore.


By the way, to the parents that cuss at our characters when they won't turn around whlie walking to break just to take a picture with your 'special little princess'... I hate you all. I get that you think your child is numero uno fine. Well our characters have a schedule, and if we break to satisfy you everytime we dont come out on time which would create even more complaints! So just because you didn't want to wait in line like every other special child out there and didn't get a picture don't yell at us ok?!

Can't Think...